


Operation: Woo Moony

by reaching_my_summit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Christmas fic, Fluff, Hogwarts, James is one hell of a wingman, M/M, Marauders, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Sirius is in love with Remus, get-together, they are all idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:11:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaching_my_summit/pseuds/reaching_my_summit
Summary: It's the Marauders' sixth year at Hogwarts. Sirius Black is in love with Remus Lupin. James Potter devises a foolproof five-step plan to help Sirius win Remus' heart.





	1. operation: woo moony, commence

**Author's Note:**

> rated T for horny teenagers, general Marauder fuckery, and Sirius' ridiculous inner monologue.
> 
> beta'd by the rad @canisconstellation!

**Operation: Woo Moony -- Five Steps to True Love**

_By James Potter for the use of Sirius Black_

 

  1. Pretend to enjoy all of Moony’s shite indie pop records and read his boring books.
  2. Steal Moony’s jumpers and spray Padfoot’s cologne on them.
  3. Shower Moony with compliments.
  4. Buy Moony lots of sweets and hide them in all his things.
  5. Kiss Moony under the mistletoe at Christmas and shag until New Year’s.



 

Emergency Step: In the event that Moony does not want to shag, move to Wales and become a sheep farmer.

 

* * *

 

“Prongs, this is the most bloody brilliant thing you’ve ever done,” Sirius grinned, folding the piece of parchment up and slipping it into the pocket of his aviator jacket, which he wore in lieu of his robes. _The Man_ didn’t get to tell him what he could and could not wear.

 

_Unless The Man was McGonagall. Minnie always got her way._

 

“Anything for you, Padfoot. I know you’ll help me win Lily when she finally stops hexing me on sight. It’s the least I can do,” James shrugged.

 

James Potter truly was a hero, the world’s best wingman, and an amazing matchmaker. _He could probably even find someone for Peter!_ “Remus will fall for you after Step One, I’m sure.” And with that, he gave Sirius’ arse a firm slap, because that was what best mates did when they were hooking up their best mates with their other best mates. James would know because he is the _best_ best mate in the wizarding world.

 

Sirius exaggeratedly winked, popped a sound-producing sweet into his mouth, and roared.

 

“Fucking legendary! Go get him, Tiger!” James laughed and shook his head. He really did hope Remus liked Sirius back, or else all of this would be rather awkward. Come to think of it, Moony never discussed his romantic endeavors or any sort of feelings in that area, not even when he was high or drunk off his arse. Always careful, Remus was. James shrugged off that train of thought and plopped down onto the couch in the common room, kicking his feet up on the arm of it and lounging by the fire to wait for the _fire in his heart_ to appear. She should be back from dinner in…

 

"Marlene, I’m starting to think Potter’s finally given up. He hasn’t asked me out this week.”

 

_Now._

 

“Evans, you beautiful, bright, fiery-flame of a witch!”

 

“Flames and fires are sort of mutually inclusive, Potter.” Marlene McKinnon rolled her eyes and hooked her arm around Lily’s.

 

It was then that Lily set the hem of James Potter’s robes ablaze.

 

James hopped around like a Blast-Ended Skrewt in stilettos on a cold winter’s day but still praised his _future wife._ “Oh--Oh, shite, ah, wonderful spellcasting, Evans! You’re quite talented, yes, oh, fuck. That isn’t good, is it? Damn carpet’s singed. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it all! I’ll take the blame if McGonagall finds out!”

 

“You’re a god-damned wizard, Potter, put out the fire!” Lily groaned.

 

“MERLIN'S TAINT--Oh, you’re so smart, Lily!” James grinned like a madman and screeched a spell that saved his robes and the rugs under his feet. “Will you sit by me at breakfast tomorrow?”

 

Lily raised her middle finger at him as she walked up to her dorm.

 

“Well,” Peter shrugged. “Better than last Tuesday, right?”

 

“She actually spoke to me this time,” James mumbled dreamily, falling back down onto the couch to think of how beautifully Lily’s hair matched the fire that recently consumed several inches of fabric from his robes.

 

* * *

 

Sirius slammed the door to his dorm open and bounded inside with a manic grin on his face. “Oi, Moony,” he hummed, throwing himself onto Remus’ bed and snatching the book Remus was reading out of his hands. “What’s this, Muggle books again?” He asked, staring blankly at the pages until he realized he was holding the work upside down. “Who the hell is ‘Rimbaud?’”

 

“He’s a French poet,” Remus rolled his eyes and tugged the book from Sirius’ grip. “L'intérêt personnel existe, l'attachement basé sur le gain personnel existe, la complaisance existe. Mais pas l'amour. L'amour doit être réinventé, c'est certain,” he read, his Welsh accent mixing strangely with the pronunciation of the foreign words.

 

Sirius knew French because of _Walburga._ When he was about three years old, she had arranged for him to marry some French bird after his schooling. As soon as he started talking, he was learning three languages at once. He was exceptionally bright, and his easy grasp on English, French, and Japanese told everyone that. Sometimes, he’d speak all three languages in one sentence. People usually looked at him like he was stark naked and had Nifflers yanking out his nipple piercings after he did shite like that, though.

 

_With Sirius' limitless intelligence came unbridled insanity. He was still high functioning, yes, and capable of almost anything. His magical capabilities added to it all made his thought processes a bit skewed, though._

_If you were to walk outside and find it to be chilly, you might go back inside and put on a coat. Sirius Black would devise a means of maintaining body heat with nothing but a half-empty box of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, a pretty rock he found by the lake, and a Slytherin House tie. Someone would say "Sirius, you can just go back up the tower to find your jacket or even Accio it across campus," but Sirius would never have it. Why would he do anything like that when he had all the tools he needed to keep warm at his immediate disposal?_

 

French didn’t matter too much anymore after Sirius had gone and gotten himself disowned, but Remus picked it up on a whim. Now they used it to annoy James and keep secrets from the general public.

 

“Bit morbid, there, Moonshine. Why d’you think love doesn’t exist?” Sirius asked. “Thought you were seeing that Ravenclaw girl. Melissa, was it? She ruin love for you?” He rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows.

 

“Never said it didn’t exist, just said most everyone’s got it wrong,” Remus shrugged. “And I don’t think a girl slipping half a love potion into my pumpkin juice counts as seeing her. After two hours and a trip to Slughorn, I’d already forgotten her name,” he hummed, dog-earing the page of his book and setting it aside for later.

 

“Oh, Moony. So elusive, so hard-to-get. Every girl in Ravenclaw Tower is aching for you as we speak and you won’t give any of them the time of day,” he pouted. “Why don’t you ask one of them to Yule Ball? It’s only a month away, now.”

 

_Boys in this tower are aching for you, too. Boy. It’s me. I’m the boy. I’m aching for you. My heart and also my dick. Please have my babies and move to Wales with me and we can own a cottage and make love late into the night every night. We can raise sheep and I will marvel at how beautiful you look while processing wool, and then I will make woolen underclothes and give you a lap dance in our fields to the sounds of baaing sheep. It will be the most romantic thing that has ever happened, ever, and_

 

Yeah. Bit unhinged. Bit sex-obsessed. He was sixteen, after all.

 

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “How d’you know I don’t have someone in mind? Maybe I’ve already asked someone.” He tugged at the sleeves of his jumper and crossed his arms.

 

Oh, that just wouldn’t do. That wouldn’t do at all.

 

“Well do you love her?” Sirius snapped, jolting upwards and staring Remus down. “If you love someone, you’ve got to tell your best mates. That’s Marauder code, Wanker.” He stuck his tongue out to truly convey his feelings of utter betrayal. _And disappointment. And sad, gay bitch disease._ If Remus _had_ found someone, Sirius might as well give up before he started.

 

“I’m fucking with you, Black. I haven’t asked anyone, so get off my prick about it,” Remus scoffed, throwing his pillow at Sirius and effectively sending him into a heap on the floor.

 

_Sirius wished he was on Remus’ prick, god damn it._

 

  
Time to enact phase one of **Operation: Woo Moony**.


	2. pop and poetry

**_1\. Pretend to enjoy all of Moony’s shite indie pop records and read his boring books._ **

 

 

Sirius thought that this might be the hardest step to get through. He supposed that was why it was the first on the list. First of all, real punks only listened to bands like Weird Sisters, Lizards in a Blizzard, and Holographic Wiggentrees. In the way of muggle music, he supposed the wizarding greats equated to Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, and Pearl Jam.

 

Remus listened to bands like The Neighbourhood, The 1975, and The Smiths.

Not punk. Not even grunge. Not cool.

 

Secondly, wizarding punks didn’t spend their time pilfering through muggle novels about rings and dwarves and “hobbles,” or whatever. They _definitely_ didn’t spend their time perusing floofy muggle poetry about milk and honey and romance.

 

_Oh, the things Sirius would do for love. Remus really was going to ruin his image._

 

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon at the castle. The locations of the Marauders were as follows:

  * James was behind his curtains, probably still asleep and dreaming of Evans’ knee socks.
  * Peter was down in the common room for tea. He’d never pass up any chance to scarf down as many of the house elves’ holiday peppermint hot-chocolate scones as he could.
  * Remus was sitting in the little happy-place he’d made himself in the alcove nearest his bed, buried in pillows and blankets.
  * Sirius was draped across his bed, staring at Remus.



 

The late afternoon sunlight filtered in through the windows to make Remus’ hair appear more golden than it usually did. The sight of Remus looking so at peace made Sirius’ brain cliff-dive into a trench filled with roses and paper hearts. Remus’ honey colored eyes met Sirius’ and Sirius saw more visions of a cottage in Wales.

 

They had settled on listening to _AM_ by Arctic Monkeys simply because it was common ground between them, and that had turned out to be a mistake. The last of “I Wanna Be Yours” filtered out with static.

 

_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner_

_Breathing in your dust_

_I wanna be your Ford Cortina_

_I will never rust_

_I just wanna be yours_

 

The lyrics had done a number and a half on Sirius, and as soon as the final chord sounded, Sirius was on his feet and pulling another record from the shelf. He put _AM_ back in its sleeve and placed _I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It_ onto the turntable, lifting the tonearm and letting it slowly drop down onto the edge of the vinyl. The gradual crescendo into _go down, soft sound, midnight, car lights_ of The 1975’s title track had Sirius aching for a joint, so he popped over to Remus’ bedside table and retrieved their smoking paraphernalia.

 

Remus looked up from his book when he heard the drawer slide closed and rolled his eyes. “It’s the middle of the afternoon, Padfoot.”

 

“Good a time as any, ‘innit?” Sirius asked, plopping down beside Remus and casting a shielding charm so that the smell of the weed wouldn’t escape. “Roll me one? You’re always better at it than I am,” he admitted.

 

Remus took his grinder and the small jar they kept the buds in and got to work. Soon, he was carefully lining up their drug of choice in the center of a rolling paper and carefully wrapping it into a tight little cylinder. He brought the joint to his mouth and flicked his tongue over the thin paper to properly seal it and keep all the goodness inside. When Remus dragged his tongue over the seam one last time, he sent Sirius into an internal frenzy. “I get the first hit.”

 

“By all means,” Sirius half-squeaked. He produced a small flame at the tip of his finger and watched as Remus pulled on the joint to properly light the end. Remus always took long, deep drags, held them until they went straight to his brain, and exhaled impressive clouds of smoke every time, occasionally turning the puffs into different shapes with a wave of his wand. He passed to Sirius and Sirius took it with a nod and nothing else, as he was rather hung up on the fact that he was practically _kissing_ Remus by sharing a joint like this.

 

Sirius got overzealous with how hard he pulled and ended up coughing all of the smoke out. His throat burned from the heat and natural dryness the drug caused, and all of that combined to bring a heavy flush to his cheeks. _Way to go, Black. Not punk. Not punk at all._

 

Remus smirked over at him and took the joint back. “The first time I smoked last summer, the person I smoked with used to blow the smoke near my mouth and I would inhale that way. It doesn’t hurt as much,” he shrugged. “Would you rather me do that?”

 

Sirius? Pass up an opportunity to have Remus’ mouth so close to his?

Never.

 

Nodding and shifting so that he faced Remus, Sirius leaned forward and waited for the smoke to come his way. Remus toked again and gave it a moment in his lungs before making an ‘o’ with his mouth and stopping just a few inches away from Sirius’ lips to blow. Sirius took the smoke with ease this time, but he was starting to think that he was getting high on _Remus daydreams_ instead of Mary Jane. “Better.”

 

“Good,” Remus hummed.

 

They went back and forth like that for a while until the joint was nothing but a little stub and they were both pleasantly high. Remus put it out on the stone floor and Sirius burned the rest with a quiet _Incendio_.

 

“I thought you didn’t like my music,” Remus hummed, biting his lip and looking over at a dancing Sirius with half-lidded eyes.

 

Sirius didn’t realize he was swaying. Swaying was not punk.

 

_There’s no more water up in this city_

_But be careful or you’ll drown_

_You think you’ve got it figured out_

 

“I don’t. It’s prattish. Just catchy. That’s all,” Sirius shrugged, lying backward over Remus’ legs in the blanket/pillow/werewolf pile.

 

 _“Well, your face has got a hold on me, but your brain is proper weird. Are you feeling the same? You just keep nodding at me, looking vacant,”_ Remus sang in his scratchy, lilting voice, closing his eyes and pointing his fingers in different directions to make little colored sparks appear to the beat.

 

Sirius was truly fucked.

 

_Remus? Love? Yes, come on then, the sheep have gotten out of the fence again after their shearing. I need your big, strong arms to wrestle them back into their pen. Oh, yes, so strong, so very strong, you know I think so. I love it when your big arms hold me up and press me into the-_

 

A new, broken-sounding song fizzled through the speakers and Remus started softly crooning again, effectively ripping Sirius away from his imaginary ripped-Remus.

 

_I don’t want your body_

_But I hate to think about you_

_With somebody else_

_Our love has gone cold_

_You’re intertwining your soul_

_With somebody else_

 

Sirius looked up at Remus, who seemed more than affected by these lyrics. Had Remus been dealing in illicit affairs unbeknownst to the Marauders? Did he have someone once that had been off with _somebody else_ as of late? Had Remus been _in love?_

 

“Re, have you ever been in love?”

 

“I think you have asked me that recently,” Remus hummed. “I don’t think I know enough about loving someone in that capacity to speak on the matter.”

 

“So you’ve never had a girlfriend?” Sirius popped up from where he was draped over Remus and stared him down.

 

“Not one I cared for and not one that lasted more than a few weeks.”

 

“Well, why didn’t you like them?” Sirius prodded, poking at Remus’ sides and then at his face. “You have to tell your best mate things like that.”

 

“Who said you were my best mate?”

 

Sirius looked like someone had just hit him with an unforgivable curse before Remus ruffled Sirius’ hair with his hand.

 

“Teasing, Padfoot. I just didn’t really get on with any of them. That’s it. Simple,” he shrugged. Sirius did not look convinced, but he knew when he wasn’t going to get anything else out of Remus for a while.

 

“If you loved someone, though, you’d tell me. Wouldn’t you, Moonbeam?” Sirius asked, laying his head on Remus’ shoulder and pulling a blanket over himself as he cuddled up next to his _friend._

 

Remus was quiet for a moment, and all of the wild hope and reckless abandon in Sirius made him believe, for just a second, that Remus was about to break out into song and serenade him with words of love and admiration accompanied by the lute.

 

_Oh, Padfoot, I love you so! I’m as queer as Peter’s eleventh toe! The Ravenclaw birds don’t hold a candle to you, my bonfire, my inferno, my very favorite screw! Jamie might love his Lily and Peter does love his snacks, but I just love having you flat on your back! I--_

 

“Eventually, I would tell you, yes,” Remus nodded. _Oh._

 

Sirius picked up Remus’ copy of a muggle poetry book and tried to pretend that all the nice poems in it were for him. _Not he that he actually thought they were nice. Because poetry wasn’t punk and Remus’ records were for prats and wankers._

 

_Love will come_

_And when love comes_

_Love will hold you_

_Love will call your name_

_And you will melt_

_Sometimes though_

_Love will hurt you but_

_Love will never mean to_

_Love will play no games_

_Cause love knows life_

_Has been hard enough already_

__\- Rupi Kaur_ _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3 comment and leave kudos if you are so inclined! it really helps me figure out what stories are worth continuing or abandoning.


	3. jumpers and joints

**_2\. Steal Moony's jumpers and spray Padfoot's cologne on them._ **

 

_Duh-duh-da-nah-duh-duh-duh-da_

_DUH-NUH-NUHHHHH_

_DUH-NUH-NUHHHHH_

_DUH-NUH-NUHHHHH_

_Miss-ion imposs-i-ble-ble I am steal-ing Moo-ny’s sweat-ers duh-duh_

 

“Sirius? It’s three in the fucking morning. What are you on about?”

 

_Foiled again, it seems. Curse you, Remus Lupin._

 

“Sirius? What the fuck?”

 

Sirius sighed and plopped down into the floor. “I was...Cold.”

 

“You were cold? You’re a fucking wizard.”

 

_Remus was so cute with his hair all ruffled like that. Oh, be still, Sirius’ beating heart!_

“I forgot the charm, is all. Sorry to wake you, Moons.”

 

“So you decided to come over to my wardrobe and take _all_ of my jumpers?” Remus asked, sitting up in bed and rubbing at his face as he focused on where Sirius sat. Most of his winter garb was trailed across the floor. Remus rolled his eyes and picked up his wand, giving it a lazy flick to send his clothing back where it belonged. He left one in Sirius’ lap, just to be nice. “Return it this time, will you?”

 

“‘Course, Moony.”

 

As soon as Sirius heard Remus’ breathing even out, the heist began anew, this time with a royal success. Silencing charms muffled his personal rendition of the _Mission: Impossible_ theme while he made the three-meter-long trek to the jackpot. _Padfoot, you are one sly fox. Well, dog. Animagus. He wasn’t a fucking furry, okay?_

 

Sirius snuck all of Moony’s sweaters over to his side of the room, snatched the bottle of cologne out of his nightstand, and got to work. He sprayed each and every one of the jumpers with at least two spritzes apiece, just so Remus would be surrounded by Sirius’ perfect, manly, musky scent every moment of every day. There was no resisting such an alluring example of utter manhood. Sirius folded the jumpers back up just as Remus did— _Cross the arms, fold in half, make it snug._ One more killer reprise of badassery gave way to newly-deliciously-Sirius-y sweaters, all tucked away. Remus would be none the wiser.

 

_Why, my jumpers—They smell so...Sexy! Almost as sexy as Sirius Orion Black, the absolute love of my life. I would stand on top of Slytherin’s tables in the Great Hall and dance to the grotesque sounds of Peeves the Poltergeist’s farts if it meant I could kiss him just once!_

 

Sirius’ fantasies were not a part of the reality he faced.

 

“Who the fuck made my wardrobe smell like the first years’ loo?”

 

Oh _no._ But Sirius’ cologne was supposed to be sexy! James had found it for him at a muggle shop in London! It even had a badass name: _Axe._ You could not get more masculine than that. Why didn’t his wonderfully Welsh-y future wifey appreciate his dedication to the art of seduction?

 

“Sirius, did you do this last night?” Remus sighed, picking up one of his Gryffindor sweatshirts with a sigh. “Now I’m going to smell like a fuckboy.”

 

 _A FUCKBOY?_ No, Sirius could not have that. Sirius was a wholesome, dedicated lover and would never be anything other than fully devoted to his Moony. He had to rid himself of this evil body spray, and fast!

 

There was a small complication.

 

Sirius did not know that metal cans filled with flammable substances would explode if you tried to light them on fire. He was a bit dense when it came to muggle things, you see.

 

He may or may not have caught his drapes on fire for the third time that semester.

 

“MERLIN’S FUCKING ARSEHOLE--”

 

“I HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL, MOONY, DON’T WORRY!”

 

\---

 

“As if I don’t spend enough time in this fucking shithole,” Remus griped. Poppy Pomfrey currently buzzed about him, scolding him for getting injured again. When Sirius had managed to cause an explosion in the dormitory, it scared Remus out of bed and onto the floor. He had landed on his bad knee (oh, lycanthropy, thy fuckery never ceases) when he fell.

 

“Oh, Moony. Moony, I’m sorry.” Sirius was beside himself, bawling at Remus’ bedside like some sort of wife whose husband had cancer in all of his internal organs. You’d think he was dying. Remus really just needed a good spell or two to cushion the joint there again.

 

“Yeah, so you’ve told me.” Sitting up was a challenge, but Remus managed so that Pomfrey could test his reflexes and bend his knee this way and that to check for mobility.

 

_Fuck, Remus wasn’t going to forgive him! It was only a matter of time, Sirius supposed, before he would have to change his name and move to the countryside, anyway. Maybe he would even cut his hair and wear hand-me-down robes to prove how fervently he would mourn the loss of his almost-love._

 

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?” Sirius asked through a hiccuping sob. If one were to describe exactly what Sirius looked like at the moment, one might say that he uncannily resembled a puppy that had just been kicked down six flights of moving stairs into a pond only to be eaten whole and shat out by a harpy.

 

Simply: He was a fucking wreck.

 

“I always do, don’t I?” Remus rolled his eyes and stood up from the bed before using his cane to walk out of the hospital wing and get to potions.

 

_Oh, Moony. He was so studious, so intelligent. Even after a morning of almost being hit by metal shrapnel and lit aflame, Remus Lupin was so determined to go to his courses and get his work done. Sirius didn’t do bookish because it didn’t fit him, but boy, would he do Remus. Oh, Re, you’re just so wise. Are you sure you aren’t a Ravenclaw? Because you make my heart soar._

 

“Oi, Sirius, are you fucking coming or not? We have to brew Felix Felicis today. I am going to need all the luck I can get with your destructive arse lurking around.”

 

_Remus really should pay attention to what he is saying. The amount of innuendo running through Sirius’ mind could kill a lesser man. Getting lucky. Fucking coming. Arse. Mm. Arse. Remus’ arse, all cute and round in his trousers. Sirius briefly wondered if Remus’ arse was as soft as the tops of those mushrooms he found in the Forbidden Forest while he was on the hunt for actual ‘shrooms._

 

“Coming, Re!”

 

_Merlin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i hate them both


	4. toast and treachery

**3\. Shower Moony with compliments.**

 

Time to enact phase three. Phase two was not a success, but Remus had successfully won a phial of liquid luck for getting the potion almost perfect. Sirius could only dream that Remus was actually using that luck for a proper purpose. The proper purpose would be to get lucky. With Sirius. Sirius wanted Remus to bend him sideways, diagonally, over, and upside-down. He wasn’t completely sure what those things meant, but he heard James say things like that, and they were definitely sexual, so Sirius deduced that they were good things to want. 

 

Sirius spotted his little sunflower sitting at Gryffindor’s table at breakfast and bounded over to him before stealing one of his sausages. He tried to eat it in a way that he thought was seductive.  _ Sirius would eat that sausage. Me-ow. _

 

Predictably, Remus appeared to be unaffected by the entire display.

 

“You know the plates constantly replenish themselves, Sirius,” Remus said around a bite of jam and toast. “You do not have to steal food from a poor thing like myself. This might be considered a hate crime by more liberal wizarding folk.”

 

The metaphorical light bulb above Sirius’ head came on and immediately fizzled out. He was so, so close to having a wonderfully romantic compliment to give his Moonbeam, but the different parts of his brain never quite worked in sync. Before he could realize that what he would say next would only make sense to someone as ridiculous as, let’s say, James Potter, the words were already coming out of his mouth. 

 

“Remus, you are as clever as a pixie fishing three sickles out of a goblin’s nose,” Sirius sighed, propping his chin up on one hand and reaching for a handful of something to eat with the other. He was met with a fistful of scrambled eggs, but he was not deterred. He slapped them onto his plate, wiped his hand on the bench, and went about his business.

 

Remus blinked. “Sometimes, Sirius, I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about.” He tapped his goblet with his wand for more pumpkin juice. “If that was supposed to be practice for complimenting girls at the ball, I suggest you try again. We have dance practice for it this morning, you know. If you’re ever going to win Minnie over, you’ll have to do quite a bit better than that,” he smirked, lobbing a muffin over to Sirius with a wink.

 

The muffin hit Sirius square in the face. Remus Lupin had just winked at him. Winked.

 

_ Oh, Sirius, I want you so badly! Pin me up against the wall of the shower and take me apart. Make sweet love to me in front of the fireplace in the common room! I must be a Hungarian Horntail around you, because fuck, am I horny. You are the sexiest, manliest, punkest student to ever roam the halls of Hogwarts, and I simply cannot resist you. Pull me into a broom closet after every period! _

“Sirius? Prongs, I think he’s broken. His mouth has been open and he’s been staring at nothing for the past three minutes.”

 

“Oh, toss another muffin at him. He always perks up for the cranberry ones. Probably thinking about how he can’t wait to try and dance with Minnie today.”

 

Sirius had an issue.

 

A very, very pressing issue that needed immediate attention. Remus Lupin had just winked at him and he needed to process that somehow. He got up slowly and bolted out of the Great Hall in the direction of the loo.

 

Remus shrugged. “Eggs must have fucked him up. I think the cheese maybe did it. He’s lactose sensitive, you know.”

 

James stopped mixing raspberry jelly into his baked beans. “What the fuck is lactose?”

 

Remus slammed his head onto the table and closed his eyes. “I live with mongoloids.”

 

“That’s Lily’s favorite flower! Ironic, considering her name is Lily. Oh, Remus, you’re brilliant, thank you! One day I’ll be her favorite, I just know it--” James gushed, turning to look all around the room before he spotted Lily squirting ketchup on her breakfast potatoes. “Look at her, Moony. She’s perfect. Beautiful, like a mongoloid.”

 

“You mean marigolds. Not mongoloids. Marigold is a flower.”

 

James looked at Remus like he was speaking elvish. “I don’t think--”

 

“James Potter, you put fruit in your beans. Think about that and tell me which one of us is more likely to be right based on that alone.”

 

“That’s fair,” James nodded. “Maybe go check on Sirius? He must really have been sick to leg it like that.”

 

Remus grabbed a piece of toast for the road and pulled his bookbag over his shoulder. “Wish me luck with the pup.”

 

\---

 

Sirius had just relieved himself when he heard Remus’ voice. Oh, this was a twisted dream. Remus must be coming in to ask to kiss him or suck him and here he was, already spent! He shouldn’t have too hard a time getting it back up, though, but he heard about performance anxiety, and Merlin, if Remus winked at him again, he had no idea what would happen.

 

“Sirius? You in here? Brought you a muffin. Did the eggs give you the shits again?”

 

Okay. Nevermind. Maybe Remus wasn’t here to be on his knees.

 

Sirius flushed the toilet and stomped dejectedly out of the stall. “No. Just... Really had to piss.”

 

“Nice to know,” Remus raised an eyebrow and handed Sirius the food after he washed his hands. “Just worried about you, is all. You’ve been acting mad lately.”

 

_ Yes, Moony. Mad for you! My love for you burns hotter than the breath of ten thousand dragons! I cannot sleep! I cannot eat! I am stuck in Moony-limbo, wanking to the thoughts of your delicious winking face, now ingrained in my Remus-centered eidetic memory.  _

 

“Just a bit on edge, with Yule Ball coming up, you know. The holidays always stress me out,” Sirius mumbled, pulling the paper liner off the muffin and tossing it into the bin. He didn’t like lying to his friends, but he really couldn’t tell the whole truth. “Thank you, Re, for the breakfast. It was kind of you.”

 

“No worries,” Remus shrugged. “Eat. You’ll need your energy for practice.”

 

\---

 

Naturally, more than a few scandals arose--Marlene and Dorcas had finally gotten together, because they were paired off. Frank and Alice had migrated towards one another as well. Kingsley and Gideon were even  _ holding hands.  _ It appeared that everyone found partners before the Marauders did. Sirius tried to get Professor McGonagall to dance with him, but she wasn’t keen on the idea.  _ “You will undoubtedly ruin my shoes with those clunky muggle boots you wear, Black.” _ James glared over at the boy who dared take his Lily away from him, but agreed when Molly Prewitt asked him to dance. She was currently mad at her boyfriend, Arthur Weasley, and what better way to get him jealous than to dance with Gryffindor’s Seeker? It was flattering, at least. Peter was forced to join up with McGonagall as an example, treacherous as it was in Sirius’ eyes. Remus hadn’t even gotten out of his seat until he was forced to go out and find a partner.

 

The only person left was Sirius Black. 

 

Sirius gaped like a fish for a second time that day before McGonagall shoved Remus toward him. “Minnie, Love--I can’t dance with Remus! Which one of us is supposed to be the girl?”

 

“Well, Mr. Black, since you asked, it is not a matter of who is the ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ or whatever else a person may choose. It is who leads and who follows.  I believe Mr. Lupin could lead quite well. So, in simpler terms--You can be the ‘girl.’” Minerva nodded. “Detention tonight, as well, for calling me Minnie again. You have been warned numerous times to stop.”

 

Sirius groaned and fell against Remus. “Why is everything so hard?”

 

Remus pulled Sirius up by his underarms and got into the proper position, one hand resting on Sirius’ waist, the other hand clasped with his friend’s. “Afraid to dance with a boy, Padfoot? Don’t want to look like a poof?” He asked, slowly starting to lead Sirius through the steps of the waltz as their head of house began playing the necessary music, slowed down a bit for learning purposes. 

 

Sirius blushed. No, that was sort of exactly what he wanted to look like. He just didn’t want to dance with Remus. Anything that intimate would feel too real, and then he’d get his hopes up and wish too much. Sirius had learned that not very many good things came to him. He loved his father, as callous as he could sometimes be, and his brother, but his mother had taken all of that away from him when she disowned him. He had Peter and James, and he had Remus, but even in that, they all struggled to stay strong from month to month. Growing up and finding yourself was hard. On top of coursework, pranking, detentions, romantic interests, and facing the harsh reality of lycanthropy, the Marauders had to deal with a lot. Sirius had never gotten his hopes up about much of anything, simply because nothing ever seemed to work out for him in the end, but he was smitten enough to try when it came to Remus.

 

Remus would be worth it. 

 

“Moony,” Sirius whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. This really wasn’t fair, was it? “It’s not that at all. Why didn’t you get up? When everyone was looking for partners?”

 

Remus’ expression didn’t change, but something there betrayed him. Sirius knew that look. “I didn’t want to be rejected by anyone,” he explained. “Easy to say no to the bastard with a bad knee, right?” He tried to smirk, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

 

Sirius swallowed hard and fought to keep the butterflies in his stomach from spilling out of his mouth. Remus was not one to be so openly vulnerable. “Someone would be stupid to say no to you. Bad knee or not, Remus, you’re a good dancer. And you’re not a bastard. You’re nice. Just a different way of showing it.”

 

“And you’ve only stepped on my toe twice. Quite a bit better than I thought you would do,” Remus offered.

 

“And you’re nice looking,” Sirius continued. “Fit, really. You always make good marks. You’re funny. You pull off the best pranks and you never get caught. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” His voice sounded too small. His chest felt too tight. He couldn’t help but  _ want _ Remus so badly. He didn’t even know when it started. Maybe he had always been in love with Remus but didn’t think to name it. All he knew now was that he wanted to curl up and cry. He wanted to cry for himself and to cry for Remus, the boy who deserved so much more than life had dealt for him. Sirius told him just as much. 

 

“You are the best of us, Remus. Please don’t say things like that.”

 

Remus cocked his head to one side and studied Sirius’ face like he would find something there. He apparently didn’t come up with anything life-altering. “Okay. I won’t.”

 

“Good,” Sirius nodded. “You know I love you, right Moons?”

 

They didn’t say it often, but the Marauders did love one another, and they weren’t afraid to express it. It felt wrong in Sirius’ mouth now, though, because it wasn’t the same kind of love that Remus was probably thinking of, as much as Sirius ached for it to be.

 

“Yeah, Padfoot. I know.” Remus looked around for just a second to make sure that no one was listening before leaning a little closer. “I love you, too.”

 

“Alright, students! Very nice work. You may go about your day! Next lessons in in two days, same time and place!”

 

“I’m skipping Divination,” Remus whispered. “We should smoke again. You can relax.”

 

That must be why Sirius loved Remus. He always knew what Sirius needed.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh we're getting closer now lads
> 
> tumblr: @reaching-my-summit


	5. candy and courting

_**4\. Buy Moony lots of sweets and hide them in all of his things.** _

 

The full moon fell a week out from Christmas, which meant there was only a week left until Yule Ball. The days after the moon were always hard on Remus, so the Marauders made a unanimous decision to force Remus to stay in bed. He would have to recuperate so that he could dance the night away and get piss-drunk with his best mates when the time came. In the meantime, the remaining Marauders were going out to Hogsmeade, mainly because Madame Pomfrey had banned them from the hospital wing for the second time that day because they were being “too overbearing.”

 

“Don’t worry, Moony, we’ll get you something while we’re out!” Peter grinned, patting his friend on the shoulder a little too hard and successfully making Remus choke on a cough. “Poppy, I think Remus here needs an anti-coughing candy! Bit under the weather, he is!”

 

Remus glared up at Peter and flipped him off from where he lay on the cot. Since the Marauders had become animagi, things were easier during the moons, but the Wolf had ran into a tree last night and fractured Remus’ clavicle. “You did that, arsehole.”

 

“Peter, you git! You hurt Moonbeam!” Sirius snapped, smacking Peter on the back of the head before taking Remus’ hand in both of his own. “Any requests from the shops? It’s on Peter, since he just prolonged your heal time.”

 

Sirius always hated how worn Remus looked after the moons. The colors left his face and his freckles looked like dirt instead of little stars. His numerous scars always seemed like they were a bit more silvery and raised, and the usual smears of dried blood around new cuts made Sirius ache. He hated that Remus had to go through this. James swore he’d kill Greyback as soon as he became an auror, and Sirius was tempted to go the same route solely to have a chance at offing the cause of Remus' pain himself.

 

“Requests? That you lot leave before you cause me permanent damage,” Remus managed, his voice hoarse and wispy from all the howling of the previous evening.

 

“Out, out! Do not make me send for Minerva!” Poppy clapped, gesturing over at the door with her free hand while she mixed herbs and slugs (?) together for a healing salve with the other.

 

Sirius ran out with Peter and James clinging to his robes. “Alright, you too. We have got to get Remus as much chocolate as our pockets can hold. Do you know why?”

 

James raised his hand and hopped up and down where he stood. Peter spoke out without being called on. “What, are you in love with him, or something?” he snorted.

 

Oh. Sirius had forgotten to mention that. “Yes, actually!” He spoke as though he were simply confirming the fact that today was a partly cloudy day, not confessing that he was gay and in love with one of his best friends.

 

Peter went as pale as Nearly-Headless Nick. _Ahem. Sir Nicholas._ “Sirius, don’t joke like that. That’s fucking rude. There are actual poofs out there that you are belittling!”

 

“I _am_ an actual poof, you git! I am going to marry Remus John Lupin and we are going to move to Wales and live in a cottage and be in love forever and ever!” Sirius griped. “Back to the matter at hand! We are getting Remus all the sweets we can because they make him feel better and I want him to feel the best because I am, in fact, head-over-heels for my little sunflower!”

 

“Merlin’s saggy ballsack, you’re serious.” And Peter realized his mistake. “Oh, for fuck’s sake—”

 

“HELL YEAH, I AM!” Sirius held his hand up in the air for James to give him a high five.

 

James did not.

 

“You lot. Hogsmeade. Now. Lily will be at The Three Broomsticks at half-past and I will not miss out on the opportunity to watch her drink her Butterbeer.” James glared at the two of them and turned on his heel to stomp off the castle grounds.

 

Peter took that opportunity to grab Sirius by the sleeve of his robes. He looked a bit constipated, and for a moment, Sirius was rather worried that Peter might shit himself in the middle of the hall.

 

What he said next almost made Sirius shit himself instead.

 

“I swore Moony I wouldn’t tell anyone this,” Peter whispered. “But I feel like you need to know. Moony, he’s—”

 

Sirius snapped. “Is he with you? Peter Pettigrew, I swear on Jamie’s life, if you are snogging Moonshine behind my back, I will fucking—”

 

“NO. Merlin, no. Fuck. What I am trying to say is that Moony is _queer._ I dunno if he’s gay or bi or whatever else there is, I can’t keep up with it, but I was out under the cloak to get into the kitchens for a midnight snack a few months ago. I saw Moony stood outside the Prefect’s bathroom behind those pillars there, snogging that Hufflepuff 7th year. Jeremy Davies, I think.”

 

Sirius could not believe what he was hearing. He knew it was selfish, but he had wanted to be Remus’ first _everything._ Sirius had never even kissed a _girl,_ save Dorcas in Truth-or-Dare, let alone a _bloke._ Now he was consumed with thoughts of Remus having a secret relationship with another boy, and his heart sank. That would explain why Remus would never talk about his love life. There went his chances, right? Why would Remus want Sirius when he could have an older, wiser boy who was probably brilliant in bed? Not as handsome, mind you, but he digressed. “Are you sure it was Remus, Peter?”

 

“I asked him after,” Peter blushed. “Just to know. It was him, but they aren’t together. Jeremy stopped hooking up with him and started seeing some Slytherin a couple weeks ago. Remus wasn’t upset about it. I think he was actually looking for an excuse to get out, anyway. Jeremy wanted more and Remus didn’t,” he shrugged. “That’s all I know. What I’m getting at is...Just don’t let this be an experiment, okay? Moony is actually queer and I don’t want him to think you just want someone to fool around with, is all. I know you said that you loved him, but I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”

 

Sirius was both annoyed and touched by Peter’s concern. He was sure of his feelings for Remus, but he understood why Peter would be wary of it all. It could cause an upset in the Marauders, and no one wanted that. Like that muggle saying, "bros before hoes." _Did the rules change when your bro became one of your hoes, though? Shit._  “I know, Pete. I really do love him, though. I have for years.” He took Peter by the arm and started following after James. “I just hope he’ll like me back, you know? It will be okay if he doesn’t, but,” Sirius shrugged. All of this talk had him feeling very small.

 

“Oh, Padfoot. Remus will still love you either way. You know him,” Peter said, patting Sirius’ forearm. “You do know that...Once you’re _with a werewolf,_ with a werewolf, as in, you know, all the bits and bobs and holes and things, it’s kind of for life,” he explained. “Unless their partner dies, it’s like a bond. Like a weird Unbreakable Vow.”

 

Dating _and marrying and making sweet love to_ a werewolf would be a very difficult thing to do, for some people, it seemed. Sirius did not understand why Peter was so concerned about it. He was ready for the commitment that came with loving Remus, even if he was only 16. He became an illegal animagus for Remus. He wanted to be the person to kiss Remus every morning, help him through every day, and cuddle him every night. He would die for Remus. It was that simple, for him.

 

“The sex doesn’t really matter to me. Sure, I would love to have him pull me into a broom closet and shag me until I can’t see straight and I’m walking like a baby unicorn, but I would never ask for more than he is willing to give. If he wants to wait before he decides on me, he can. I just want him to be sure about me. No one else ever really has been,” Sirius shrugged. “I’m not going to fuck this up, Peter. I’ve made an arse of myself one too many times when it came to the important things. Not with him.”

 

Peter searched Sirius’ expression for just a moment but seemed satisfied by that answer. “Okay then. Good. Then I will be happy for you two, if it works out. Now, c’mon. Jamie’s probably already there. Though, do us all a favor and please don't talk about your sexy fantasies involving Remus.”

 

\---

 

Sirius came back with quite a haul for Remus, including, but not quite limited to:

  * Three (3) chocolate frogs
  * One (1) box of jelly slugs
  * One (1) box of peppermint toads
  * One (1) box of fizzing whizzbees
  * Two (2) boxes of fudge flies
  * Five (5) assorted chocolate bars that Sirius threw on the counter at the last second.



 

Once they were back to the dormitories, Sirius hid the sweets in as many practical places he could find and tried not to put anything where it would melt or get sticky. He had made that mistake before. Step 4, when completed, left the goodies on Remus’ bed, in his underwear drawer, in his bookbag, on top of his nightstand, in his favorite trousers, and on his desk. To top it all off, Sirius decided to write him a note before they went to pick him up from the Hospital Wing.

 

_Sorry Pete nearly killed you earlier. Wanted to make up for it. <3 Padfoot _

 

_Scratch the heart. No, leave it. What if he sees it and immediately understands? What if he sees it and is revolted? What if he thinks I’m bad at flirting and that I’m being stupid? What if this whole PLAN is stupid? What if he starts dating me and then we fuck and then he decides that he doesn’t want me to be his mate and then he’s stuck with me? What if--_

 

“Oi, Sirius. I can hear you thinking from over here,” Remus called from the doorway.

 

Sirius flinched and snatched up the parchment he was currently scribbling all over. “Hi, Moons. Feeling better?” He asked, turning around and incinerating the piece of paper in his palm.

 

“Mm. This whole room smells like Honeydukes. That helps.” Remus looked over at the bed and pointed to the chocolate lying there. “All that for me? You shouldn’t have,” he hummed, walking over to sit on the edge of his bed and pull the leg with his bad knee up after him.

 

_The color was back in Remus’ face, just a bit. He was smiling that little hint of a smile that caused his single dimple to show and subsequently make Sirius’ heart explode. Sirius had the strongest urge to reach out and touch his darling dearest’s freckles and trace little dove-shaped patterns into them. He could hear the wedding bells, now. Oh, Remus, I do, I do…_

 

“I do mean that you know. You shouldn’t have done this.”

 

Remus Lupin: Killer of moods.

 

“I wanted to. Let me be nice to you,” Sirius said, reaching for Remus’ shoulder and squeezing it. “You had a bad moon. You do not have to be okay.”

 

Remus went still for a long while, but finally took a chocolate bar off his pillow and nodded his head. “I'm not okay. But I will be.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this all in less than a day so catch me if i made mistakes YEET


	6. wooing and winning

**_5\. Kiss Moony under the mistletoe at Christmas and shag until New Year's._ **

 

Step 5 was arguably the most difficult one of all to complete. After all, it hinged on the idea that the other four steps would successfully warm Remus up to things.

 

Christmas hardly felt like Christmas. Sure, Sirius had gotten some nice hair care products from the Potters, a new collection of buttons to pin on his jacket from James, a book of poetry from Remus, and several bottles of black nail polish from Peter, but all he could think about was the dance later that night.

 

Sirius was absolutely fucking beside himself.

 

His moods were fluctuating faster than a bowtruckle could spot woodlice. One minute, he was snorting at the aftermath of an exploding snap game that truly blew up in James’ face. The next, he was on the ground in front of the fireplace, lamenting the fact that he was going stag at the Yule Ball. James was quick to remind Sirius that he was a stag, but that only made things worse. Going with your friends to the school dance was _beyond_ the opposite of punk. Especially when one of those friends was who you wanted to snog all night.

 

“I need to be drunk!” Sirius announced, making a move to run up the stairs to their dorm. He started up the girls’ side on accident and slid back down the staircase to collapse in a heap on the last step. When he made to crawl up the correct staircase, Remus pointed his wand at it and created a forcefield directly in front of Sirius.

 

“Why don’t you settle down, Padfoot? Maybe read some poetry or something. You’ll be no good to us if you get drunk before the night even starts. James and Peter will have to get you dressed and drag you to the event,” Remus warned, lifting the charm with one smooth flick of his wrist.

 

Sirius gazed forlornly at the boys’ tower but relented. He made a show of sulking back over to one of the couches and threw himself onto it so that his head was in Remus’ lap. “Moony, you’re awful to me. You bully me constantly. I just want to forget all that ails me. Is that too much to ask?”

 

“Yes,” Remus nodded. “What if you find someone you want to woo tonight at the ball? Can’t very well do that if you’re pissed.” He reached down and threaded a few fingers through Sirius’ hair as he sipped on his standard morning cup of tea. Peter looked between the two of them and blinked. Casual intimacy that the two normally shared suddenly seemed a lot more significant. There was something in the way that Remus was looking at Sirius today that made Peter tilt his head just a little more than usual.

 

“Fine. But as soon as the ball is over, I am getting so drunk that I forget my own name,” Sirius quipped. “Now, paint my fucking nails, Moony. I can’t do it. I’m simply incapable of functioning in a capacity that requires such detail. I need a cigarette, too! No one tell Minnie. _Accio, cigarettes!_ I have to look beautiful tonight. Oh, shit. James! PRONGS, DID YOU SMOKE THE LAST OF THE FAGS?”

 

Remus looked entirely unbothered, like Sirius wasn’t screaming in his fucking ear. James ducked behind the seat he had been sitting in. He was no longer safe. “Padfoot, you said you were trying to stop, and I...Well, Lily rejected me again, and I couldn’t help but chain-smoke.” Sirius shot him a look that said: “If you were not my best mate I would take you out to the Quidditch pitch right now and tie you up to the goalposts before letting the Bludgers loose.” James knew better than to try and defend himself any longer. “Please don’t cut off my prick, I might need it eventually.”

 

“Pads,” Remus hummed.

 

Sirius’ attention snapped right back to Remus. “Yes, Re?”

 

“If you want to smoke, I can roll you a joint. For now, let me paint your damned nails.” Remus took one of the bottles from Sirius’ pile of gifts and shook it up. “Hey, Pete. Did you ever ask who you said you were going to ask?”

 

 _That was supposed to stay secret,_ Sirius suspected.

 

“Remus, I swear on James’ grave,” Peter mumbled, bringing his hands up to rub his temples.

 

“Ask her,” Remus prodded. “I’d like to see one of us go with whom we wish. She’ll say yes.”

 

“Why my grave?!” James squeaked. “All of you are out to fucking get me!”

 

Peter pressed his lips together and shuffled over to the opposite side of the common room. He almost turned to run out of the room and hide for the rest of sixth year, but a well-timed sticking charm from Remus kept him rooted in the spot. A girl said something to Peter while Sirius inwardly gushed over his crush’s spellwork. How could he pay attention to anything at all while Remus was being so brilliant right in front of him?

 

Remus lifted the charm and took Sirius’ hand in his own. “Looks like Pete has a date,” he mumbled, straightening Sirius’ fingers out to start painting over the old, chipped mess on Sirius’ nails. He wasn’t perfect, but Sirius could not do anything left-handed, so this was the best option. There was something about the gentleness with which Remus handled him that made Sirius calm down considerably every time the magic inside him started to bubble up and cause him to act out. Sirius liked to think it was poetic.

 

_Oh, Remus, Love. You are the only one for me. You are the only one who can both calm and ride the wild waves of my affections! You are so soft for me. Loving you is like breaking the chocolate shell of a truffle to reveal the smooth, velvety mousse inside. Please, go to the Yule Ball with me tonight! Dance with me, snog me in the corner, and fall into my bed!_

 

And the Remus fantasies began anew. Sirius was melting into the couch.

 

_Oh, Sirius, Love. You look so fucking hot in your dress robes, like a phoenix just emerging from its ashes. You are the only thing I wanted for Christmas! Please tell me there is a lovely little bow on your crotch, because Merlin, you know how much I love getting candy. Let’s leave the rest of this crowd to the ball and go back to the common room. I need you so badly, Sirius! Snog me in front of the fireplace until I can’t feel my lips!_

 

“Okay, done.” Remus twisted the cap back onto the varnish and admired his work. He used his wand to clean up the little edges he had gotten off and let go of Sirius’ hands. “Feeling any better?”

 

“OI, PETE! PETE, DID SHE SAY YES?” James yelled from behind the chair.

 

Peter came over and stood for a moment before holding up a little piece of parchment. “Got her fucking number, lads,” he grinned before pulling out his phone and tapping away at the screen. “Meet me at portrait hole 2 nite. Cannot wait... xoxo,” Peter said aloud, sending the text and looking over at his new girl to see if she got it. She grinned up at him and nodded her head, and James fell backward onto the floor.

 

“OF ALL OF US, IT WAS PETE! PETE IS THE FIRST ONE TO GET A BIRD! OR A BLOKE! OR WHATEVER ELSE! WHO KNEW?” James groaned, throwing his arm over his face. “Lily Evans, why won’t you love me?”

 

“Congrats, Wormtail. Told you,” Remus smirked, sending his friend a little two-fingered salute.

 

“You’re brilliant Remus! I could just kiss you!” Peter laughed.

 

Sirius’ blissed-out expression turned to one that signaled the bringing of an untimely demise to one’s home, children, and wife. _“You could just what now, Peter?”_

 

“I could just,” Peter balked. “Take a shower. Yes. To smell good. For women. Because that’s who I like. Girls, and such. Yeah. Going off now. To not. Kiss Remus. Because why would I do that, I’m straight?”

 

“Digging yourself a hole, Mate,” Remus rolled his eyes. “I am going upstairs to get some rest before the dance. James, I suggest you shower, too. Sirius, come upstairs. You need to relax.” He left his post on the couch and walked up the stairs to their room. Sirius saw a little spark of magic at the top of the stairs but did not question it. Remus was waiting for him in the doorway.

 

“Ever find a date, Moony?” Sirius asked, slipping past Remus to jump on top of his bed. _Please say no, please say no, please say no._

 

Remus exhaled with a huff and shook his head. “No, mostly because everyone’s a git,” he quipped, picking up the book he gifted Sirius to lob it at his gut. Sirius fell to the bed with the blow.

 

“Well, _I’m_ not a git!” Sirius was _scandalized._ How dare his future husband call him a git!

 

“No, Sirius, you really are,” Remus rolled his eyes and flopped down onto the edge of his own bed. Remus wasn’t making any sense! He was the one being a git, all pretty and handsome and oh, _his hair looked so nice for the ball. His lips were the color of pink roses and his eyes looked as warm and inviting as a hot tub filled with honey._ What? _Yes. Honey jacuzzi._

 

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus and rolled over onto his stomach to grumble rude things under his breath and dramatically look through the book Remus’ had thrown at him. He was flipping along, hardly glancing at anything until he saw red pen underlining a few sentences. Remus had gone through this before he had even given it to Sirius.

 

_I know that I don’t own you,_

_And perhaps I never will,_

_So my anger when you’re with her,_

_I have no right to feel._

 

_I know that you don’t owe me,_

_And I shouldn’t ask for more;_

_I shouldn’t feel so let down,_

_All the times when you don’t call._

 

_What I feel--I shouldn’t show you,_

_So when you’re around I won’t;_

_I know I’ve no right to feel it--_

_But it doesn’t mean I don’t._

 

_\- Lang Leav_

 

Sirius blinked at the book and looked over at Remus. Then he blinked at Remus. The little neurons in Sirius’ brain were having a hard time firing, but when Remus returned his stare, suddenly everything in his brain connected.

 

“Well, that wasn’t how it was supposed to bloody go!”

 

“What,” Remus paused. “Are you fucking talking about, Sirius?”

 

“I was supposed to kiss you under the mistletoe tonight! It was part of the plan! Of Operation: Woo Moony!” Sirius climbed off his bed and jumped onto Remus’. “James had it all figured out! Five step plan, one emergency step at the end. One, listen to your music and read your books. Not bad, by the way. Two, spray all your jumpers with my cologne. Three, compliment you loads, four, give you sweets, and five, kiss you tonight all romantic-like and then shag you until New Year’s!”

 

Remus continued to stare.

 

“Wait--Okay, scratch that last part. Not the shagging bit, but the rest. Oh! And the emergency step was that if you didn’t love me back, I would move to Wales and become a sheep farmer,” Sirius explained. “But I kept fucking that up in my head. I could only think of how lovely you would look in a field with sheep all around you and flowers in your beautiful, silky hair, and…”

 

“Sirius.”

 

“Yes, Moonbeam?”

 

“Operation: Woo Moony?" Remus asked.

 

Sirius felt a small part of him die. He also might have gotten a boner. He wasn’t entirely sure. “Yeah,” he swallowed. “Did it work?”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow. “You tell me if it worked, Sirius.”

 

“Does that mean I get to kiss you?” Sirius yelped.

 

“You have to ask me to Yule Ball first."

 

Not just a part of Sirius had died. All of him did. Remus’ gorgeous laugh made every internal organ Sirius had simultaneously fail. _His gall bladder never would be the same._

 

“Will you go to Yule Ball with me, Moony?”

 

Remus nodded his head and reached up to cup Sirius’ face with one hand. “Yeah. I will.” He brushed his thumb over Sirius’ cheek, and even that delicate little touch made Sirius think he might make a mess of his briefs. _Keep it the fuck together, Black!_ “Sirius? Do you want me to kiss you, now?”

 

Sirius had never kissed anyone before, and Remus had apparently been off snogging people for who knew how long, so this turned out to be harder to answer than he thought it would. He kind of assumed he would just know what to do when the time came, but he really had no idea what he was supposed to do with his hands or mouth or tongue or anything. “I don’t...Re, I don’t know how. To kiss someone. I haven’t before.”

 

“I know. You would not have shut up about it for a month if you had,” Remus grinned. “Just sit there and close your eyes, okay? Trust me.”

 

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to stay still, but within a few milliseconds, his eyes shot open. “This isn’t a prank, is it, Moony? You aren’t going to slam a pie in my face or something, are you?”

 

When Remus Lupin kissed Sirius Black for the first time, Sirius saw _stars._

 

It was nothing but a gentle press of lips, but it was everything Sirius had ever wanted. When Remus pulled away, Sirius followed him to steal another kiss, and nothing had ever felt so _right._ Remus’ lips were soft and full, and his hands on Sirius’ face were so warm. He knew why people never stopped snogging, now.

 

“Best Christmas ever, Moons,” Sirius cooed. “But I really thought you’d go on more about how wonderful my kissing was and how moved you were by the love I have for you, and how beautiful my hair looks in between your fingertips, and all that.”

 

“Sirius?”

 

“Yes, Moonbeam?”

 

Remus gave Sirius another kiss, this time to shut Sirius up.

 

Remus shut Sirius up all afternoon.

 

\---

 

“It is about damn time,” Poppy said, pointing over at Remus and Sirius as the new pair walked into the ballroom, holding hands and everything.

 

“You are telling me, Love,” Minerva shook her head. “Black has been in love with him since their second year. I won ten galleons from the bet I had with Slughorn,” she smirked. “He said seventh year. I had sixth down. I’ll take you out for a drink or two on New Year’s with the earnings.”

 

Sirius Black had somehow made his way into Remus Lupin’s lap already.

 

“Might be needing that drink now,” Poppy sighed. “BLACK, LUPIN, LEAVE ROOM FOR YOUR DECENCY!”

 

“MADAME POMFREY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THEY DON’T HAVE ANY!” James Potter yelled back.

 

“It is going to be a long night,” Minerva sighed.

 

Sirius grabbed Remus’ arse.

 

“Long year,” Minerva corrected herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for going on this sweet little journey with me! i hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> tumblr: @reaching-my-summit


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